After seeing reports on conservative news outlets that NYC had descended into crime-ridden anarchy, friends and relatives were relieved to learn that one Manhattan family was still clinging precariously to safety on the violence-ridden Upper West Side.
"When we learned that the police had been defunded and replaced with homeless immigrants, we thought for sure they were goners," said a friend from Iowa. "But apparently the parents have been surviving on raw fish, soy sauce, and beer."
"Thank God one of the kids made it to Kentucky," added a relative from Oklahoma, "so he can purchase firearms without being microchipped by the deep state."
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